This spring, on our trip to Asia, I was confronted by a group of TEAM's leaders from Taiwan about some persistent concerns they have had about my relationships and my character. That was very painful! I certainly knew that there have been some relational challenges for me, both with these particular people, and with others also. I have sought to be open about acknowledging and addressing these issues, but I hadn't really absorbed how badly these friends and colleagues felt about our relationship until this intervention.
On the other hand, I know that I persistently fall short of what the father calls me to be. To zero in a bit, I know that sometimes I have come across to people as abrupt, inattentive, off-the-wall, intellectualizing, restless, angry, or arrogant. These are not things that emerged in Taiwan, but challenges I've been working on at least since my teenage years. I see this as an opportunity to humble myself in my family and community, get more help, and seek restoration. I especially want to spend more time with the father as I seek more of his grace. This may be a divinely orchestrated opportunity to build deeper relationships with TEAM's leaders in Taiwan and more widely throughout the ministry community there. Perhaps in this process other relational and personal failures on my part will come to light and I can make amends where it is possible to do so.
The people confronting me are saying that these issues have harmed my relationships with them and with others. I take this quite seriously. I grieve the impact that my failures have had on others. In particular, I regret the loss of safety and intimacy with these people who were willing to come to me and confront me with their concerns.
After our meeting, these leaders put together a restoration plan for me to follow over the next year. This includes such elements as counseling, directed reading, Bible study, personal retreats, and accountability to the leaders who have raised these concerns. There are a lot of good things in it! With Laura's support, I have already gotten started. While it is humbling to be confronted with my faults, it is good to take time to receive care. One of the most frequent questions I get over the years is, "Who cares for you?" Already this has been an opportunity for me to receive some excellent care and counsel.
If you have been through such an experience yourself, I'm sure you will not be surprised to hear that I (and Laura) have gone through a wide range of emotions. These certainly include denial, blame, doubt, and especially grief. We expect this emotional roller coaster to continue :-)
Could I ask you to help me in this restoration process? Here are three ways you might be able to help if you would like:
-Of course, we would like for you to remember us in this process. I invite you to continue with us in our journey.
-I have asked the brothers and sisters who confronted me to continue to let me know any time they see these concerns interfering with my relationships and ministry. I have asked the same of my family. I would like ask the same of you!
-As part of this journey, I'm looking for feedback from people who have shared experiences with me in many different contexts, including counseling and ministry. Would you be willing to fill out a simple feedback survey for me? Here is the link: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=MIwStoNb6rUx8NtIXeSH4w_3d_3d I'd like to ask you to complete it as a tool to help me in my journey. I also invite you to send it to anyone else you feel might have valuable input for me.
In him who keeps us (still!), Steve and Laura
PS We are still scheduled to return to Taiwan September 1. The plan asks that I continue in my role at CCG during the next year, with some limits.
If you would like more information or someone else you could talk to about this, don't hesitate to contact us. Our next email update will have more news about our summer.
Dr. Steve and Laura Spinella, Sarah, Joey, Robby
Da Yi Street, Lane 29, #18, 2F-1, Taichung 40454, TAIWAN
011.886.4.2236.6145, of 4.2236.1901, fx 4.2236.2109, cell 9.2894.0514
USA: 9685 Otero Ave, Colorado Springs, CO 80920, 719.528.1702, cell 713.408.7208 (new cell #, note Houston area code)
TEAM, PO Box 969, Wheaton, IL 60187, 800.343.3144 <www.team.org.tw/ccg>, <http://groups.google.com/group/TEAMspinella/>,
<spinella@alumni.rice.edu>, <lauraspinella@alumni.rice.edu>
