It's in the Bible, in the New Testament letter that begins, "This letter is from James, a slave of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ." "[Be] slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires."
I titled this "my anger" because the story I know the most intimately and the one I have the most right to tell is my own. I know I'm not the only one who gets angry, but I remember it being one of the scariest parts of growing up, and frankly one of the scariest parts of my adult life too. Now it may seem hard to believe, but I was born with bright red hair, and heard growing up that red heads have a temper. Maybe that's just because I have always had very little skin pigment (except for freckles), and when I get emotional the blood rushes to the surface, giving me a noticeable red flush. Whatever. I certainly know I didn't "blend in" very well…ever! At least that's how I remember it.
As I have aged, my angry eruptions (like a volcano, you know?!) might be more rare. I hope some of you or even most of you have been spared from seeing this, but I know it's still there. I will never know when I've seen the last eruption. The eruptions might also be getting shorter?! But I still identify with the badgers in Brian Jacques's children's novel Redwall. When they fought, they would be taken over by a "blood rage." Perhaps Jacques was a redhead, too, or knew one well?!
The last time I remember this happening was just over a week ago. It lasted only seconds, but the regret remains. Biking through a fast intersection, I got scared as a large truck barreled toward me honking but not braking, and suddenly I was waving my left hand with only 20% of the digits extended. The back story would only descend into self-justification using such strategies as rationalization and minimization, so I'll leave that to your imagination. When all was said and done, human anger did not bring about the righteousness God was looking for--in me or in the truck (driver.) Maybe he recognized me from church? Or was my neighbor? He was certainly my neighbor at that moment.
Looking back, one of the things I regret the most is getting angry at my kids—and Laura. At some point I realized that my anger was my "go to" when all my more socially acceptable strategies failed to get me what I wanted. If it even succeeds, it is always a short-lived victory at a long-term cost. In other words, my anger is stupid.
Apparently the Bible agrees, at the very least in this letter from James. This week my Wednesday men's group (in the back yard!) happened upon another saying, from Peter, who may or may not have had an anger problem, but did cut off someone's ear once. His first New Testament letter starts, "…from Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ." (Do you like "apostle" better than "slave"? Slave makes me squirm a little in the current social context.) After saying other challenging things, about halfway through Peter gets down to, "Remember, it is better to suffer for doing good…than to suffer for doing wrong!" I don't know about you, but that is not the choice I was hoping for. I think he said it because when I'm suffering, one of my first thoughts is, "This is not fair." If I pause long enough, that might take me back to "Human anger does not produce…," but of course pausing and anger are not exactly best buddies.
What does this have to do with international ministry? For me, a desire to see things be different led to the choice to leave a more familiar culture and community and invest in a more uncomfortable one. When my anger tainted my relationships, it resulted in lost opportunities, sometimes long into the future and extending out through interconnected networks. This could be anger about things I had experienced in the past, frustration with limits, failures, or rejection in the present, and even longing for opportunities which were not coming my way. To paraphrase the Biblical James, my anger was not productive, no matter what motivated it.
By the same token, when international ministry workers and their family members become bitter, a bad experience takes on global significance. Even bitterness that almost always remains out of site, lurks in the background, "Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many. Hebrews 12:15" The example of Esau used here gives me pause, for surely he had some right to be bitter, given that his twin brother was fighting with him and shown privilege from before birth. I am afraid bitterness is poisonous to carry regardless of whether it is justified.
Hopefully this reflection gets you reflecting, as it does me, about yourself, not just your world. I was struck today to read that the birdwatcher in Central Park who experienced some venom said he had no interest in participating in any police case. Paraphrasing what I remember, he was quoted as saying, "Surely this woman has already suffered enough." Perhaps he has found a way to release the offense, and live in peace with all people, so much as it lies with him. I'd like to be like that, and I'd surely like to receive such grace and mercy as well. Is it possible he might even have regret for his part in that encounter with his neighbor? Would you?
In him who keeps us, Steve and Laura
PS All Bible quotations were from the New Living Translation. I won't cite the article about the birdwatcher, but it's in the news today. If I have left you with any offense, now or previously, I invite you to contact me personally any way you prefer—and I regret the offense. One question that might come up is whether, since I am also a therapist, I treat all emotions as valid, including anger? My brief answer would be, "Yes." In this brief reflection I have conflated the emotion with the expression of emotion. If the emotion of anger is the experience of frustration, the challenge is not to use that frustration to justify hurtful actions toward others. It is, after all, the most natural thing in the world!
PPS Regarding news, know that we are not travelling, but we are meeting with people outside and virtually. Like many of you, we're trying to continue to adjust our expectations and choices one day at a time. Thanks for caring about us!
<spinella@alumni.rice.edu> <lauraspinella@gmail.com>
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