Happy New Year. Since we wrote last, we've enjoyed seeing family at Thanksgiving and Christmas, a week of teaching on language and culture engagement and acquisition for a local training course ("SOSM"), and lots of discussions, prayer, and meetings. One delightful announcement is that our son Joey and his wife Laura are moving to the Golden, Colorado area this weekend, much closer than their last five years in Austin, TX. As 2018 starts, we already have a lot on the calendar and a lot on our minds. But along the way, I've been thinking a lot about unmet expectations.
Unmet expectations [UE}, of ourselves, of others, and of God, are the besetting companion of people everywhere, and perhaps especially people in international ministry. I say that because people in international ministry passionately, purposefully, or even perversely go where we normally wouldn't and perhaps where we normally don't belong. Usually we do that with some set of hopes and dreams of making a difference for people.
The natural result is that we live with unmet expectations [UE]. I think most of us can easily think of UE we have of our co-workers, but we don't have to go too far to think of UE for our children and parents, our spouses, and, oh yeah, ourselves.
Since I never wrote at Christmas (UE!), some of you may now have made some new resolutions. Perhaps you remembered some unmet expectations. Some of us may have even codified those unmet expectations, either privately or publicly, in New Year's "resolutions." Perhaps resolutions means something like things I wish I had done already, but haven't, and probably won't without some special effort.
UE leads to disappointment, if we're honest, or else perhaps one of my old buddies--distortion, deletion, and generalization, or even the use of my special powers: minimization and rationalization.
At the holidays I think of my parents, now gone for 24 years, and their unmet expectations when they moved us to South America--they thought they would have an appropriate house to live in, appropriate peers and friends for their children, welcoming and supportive teammates, and so much more. Of course, they sometimes got some of that, but UE was also there, make no mistake about it. This may be especially on my mind because I'm taking my sweetie to Costa Rica later this month--first time I've been back since I was 13, but I still have some fond memories of that adventure. I'm not good at planning vacations, and in fact have seldom done it, in spite of all our travels, and I know for sure we'll have some delights, some surprises, and without question, some UE, even on a vacation. I think I fear the planning because it seems sure to lead to more UE! Of course, a really big UE for me was that my parents would live longer--mine both died at age 59, when I was 37 and our kids were 3 and 5.
My father always wanted us to make resolutions at New Years (more UE!). I finally decided I was better off taking one small step toward something different rather than making a great resolution. I don't miss making New Year's resolutions, but still I live with UE.
Over all, I think unmet expectations of myself may be the second hardest to face. The hardest may be my unmet expectations of God. What unmet expectations have you found the hardest?
Here's to a peace beyond human understanding as we face the unmet expectations of 2018! And to an audacious hope that goes beyond our wildest dreams.
With love, Steve and Laura
PS You may be asking, "Why does Steve write about unmet expectations?" Lots of email updates from people in ministry have impact stories. In order to be a safer person for people in ministry to share their stories, however personal, we decided long ago to share two things: 1) our own stories and 2) issues and challenges that will help anyone to better understand those we serve--people in international ministry, as well as relate to the issues and challenges we all face. I do always try to have at least a few lines about our family and our activities. This time I put that at the top, knowing many of you don't have a lot of time to read my long emails. We also post these emails to a blog, so if you want to browse or search for an old one, they're at http://teamspinella.blogspot.com/ Oh, and if you think you recognize an unnamed someone in my stories, you're probably wrong, but if you identify with anything I've written, welcome to the party!
Steve and Laura Spinella
US: 1930 Springcrest Rd, CO Springs 80920mail: 9685 Otero Ave, Colorado Springs, CO 80920
Steve cell 719.355.4809, Laura cell 832.755.4261
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