I just turned 65. Hurray, I'm eligible for medicare. In fact, I'm required to get it. Goodbye, Obamacare. Goodbye, HSA. I even had a party—with my family! Life is good.
Still I feel somewhat diminished. This is not the first time I've felt that—the triggers have been creeping in from many sides.
When did it start? Was it when I was told, "I'm looking for someone younger to lead that team." Was it when the tinitis started? Or maybe when kids beating Dad at ping pong became an expectation, not a big deal. Or when I took a spill on a mountain bike and asked my son, "Was it 'Too bad, Dad fell.' Or 'Oh, no! Is he alright?!'" And he said, "Do you really want to know?" Or then, "Why don't you get an e-bike so we can ride trails together." Diminishing.
Which is more fun, watching a grandkid grow up or watching myself grow old?
I find diminishing is one of the harder things in life. It's harder to pastor a shrinking church than a growing one. Yet we act like pastors of growing churches are the best. What's with that?!
John the Baptizer said, "He must become greater; I must become less." Elijah said, "I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too." Diminishing.
If you're still reading, you must be a loyal friend. Diminishing can be depressing. In fact, I just deleted Jeremiah 45:3-5, one of those prophecies no one memorizes.
I can't really write about the people I care for—they get to tell their own stories. So, I write about challenges that people like us face. I write especially about the challenges that come up in our own journey as workers and as people.
For some time now I've been saying that my goal is not to do more and greater things, but rather to make the taper long and slow as God gives me grace to do so. From that perspective, 65 is not a finish line, but just another interesting passage. It's a reminder to celebrate God's faithfulness, to enjoy life as a good gift, and to keep making time for people near and far.
Among the luxuries of this stage of life are to have a lot of stories, to be able to laugh at ourselves, and to be a servant without counting the cost too closely.
Diminishing, a time to remember and to reminisce, a time for gratefulness and for grief, and sometimes a time to tell the painful stories when the wounds are only scars and the mistakes can make us laugh.
May God be with all of us, no matter what our stage in work and life, and even in the world at large.
In the one who keeps us, Steve and Laura
PS Laura's much younger and more optimistic. This is just my perspective 😊. However, she has given up her plan to summit Pike's Peak next week due to some unexpected hip pain. Apparently, with all her exercise, she's been using the wrong muscles and needs to retrain them to work together more effectively. So remember her, too, in that. Hopefully soon she'll be better than ever.
<spinella@alumni.rice.edu> <lauraspinella@gmail.com>
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