Just after the last email update I left on a 24 day trip to Asia, without Laura, to places I'd rather not draw attention to. (If you are my friend on Facebook, you might be able to look at some fun pictures posted by a young family I visited as part of this trip. I know some of you have already found these cute pics!) I also have two events in the US scheduled over the next month which I hope will also involve a lot of opportunities for good conversations with people passionately involved with international ministry, unfortunately also without Laura. Thanksgiving this year looks like it will be a quiet, local affair for us, unless Laura figures out a way to include some local internationals as she very well may.
Visiting that young family got me thinking very much about young families in international assignments, although this is not about them in particular. In fact earlier this morning I quickly counted at least nine young families I connected with one way or another on this last trip. Laura also connects with many young international moms and families here in Colorado through her involvement with the International Women's Connection.
International workers of course go through all adult developmental stages along their journeys. Adjusting to new worlds, cultures, and languages often coincides with birthing, adopting, and nurturing young children, as it did for us as well (20 years ago, can you believe it?! I know some of you definitely can.) Many of those developmental tasks (in international life and work) are family tasks, in that they involve and impact every member of the family. Parents can't take a pause in parenting, although they might be tempted to do so. Even if they tap outside resources, which they may have ambivalent feeling about doing, this just adds to the challenges.
An older mom reflected very openly on this trip about experiencing this challenge with multiple strategies and varying results--they had "lots" of kids and made a series of intercultural adjustments. There are no easy answers and no shortcuts. The father places us in all of our circumstances, and that definitely includes our families.
Does one parent focus on the home while the other focuses on the outside world? Do both share? What happens when one or more kids struggle with adjustment--or experience rejection or even trauma? We all learn language and build relationships differently. If one gets ahead, does he or she move on into a new world without the spouse, or the parents without the kids? Or does he or she limit, intentionally or unintentionally, that commitment and calling to care well for the family and perhaps pursue a greater engagement that can only happen as a couple and family? What happens when one or more members of the family get overwhelmed and begin to withdraw or shut down?
As some of you might already know, I use the mantra "stay, flourish, and contribute" to encourage myself and others to keep things in that order. But we live in a world today where people tend to think in the reverse--contribute first, then maybe flourish, and staying is an optional choice and maybe even an afterthought or a perceived impossibility. Where are you in this continuum? Where were you during your "young family" stage if you are a person with family? Growing up, what choices did your family make--or get pushed into?
These are conversations that are challenging, but most of all to those living it right now. As Laura and I come alongside, we want to be an allies who bring grace, encouragement, and affirmation, and especially so in the hard choices and messy moments when rationality or even sanity can be "touch and go." (For non-native speakers, I think "touch and go" means somewhat in doubt and perhaps not consistently or reliably present.) Of course, often young international families are surrounded by a chorus of conflicting perspectives by those of us who have gone before, those who are finding divergent ways to lead their own young families, and those of us who have yet to take on those challenges. (Ralph and Margie, before we had kids while you were raising yours, you always told us "you just wait." But then we left for far away and you weren't there to help us process our own challenges when the time came!)
So let's remember--and celebrate--serving the Father well and going where he calls us in every stage of our lives, and especially young families.
In him who keeps us, Steve and Laura
Steve and Laura Spinella
US: 1930 Springcrest Rd, CO Springs 80920mail: 9685 Otero Ave, Colorado Springs, CO 80920
Steve cell 719.355.4809, Laura cell 832.755.4261
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