[TEAMspinella] Performance orientation and irrational grace

I participate in some local men's groups that emphasize authenticity, transformation, and grace. It's always an interesting journey and one that has kept me engaged for the five years we've been based here in Colorado (can you believe it's been that long!)

We have always felt that ministry and community need to develop authentically, not just by assignment. Even though we've been in ministry for [what seems like a long time!], our assignments don't always naturally provide community. Right now my primary assignment involves care for people who almost all live a long ways away. For Laura, a big part of that community comes through the International Women's Connection. For me, a good part has come through the men's groups of Woodmen Valley Chapel.

Tuesday I'm going to be speaking about chapter 3 of Brennan Manning's book Abba's Child for our men's group, or at least that's the plan. Manning never claimed to be an evangelical, but this book is published by NavPress, associated with one of the larger non-profits headquartered here in Colorado Springs. That tells me that a lot of evangelicals are reading Brennan Manning. 

One thing he talks a lot about is performance orientation. I think most of us would agree that good performance is better than bad performance. If I don't pay attention to how I'm performing, I may not be on the playing field too long or too often. (The Broncos are playing the Patriots in American Football this weekend, a big deal locally and we'll see how that goes. This is not an endorsement of American Football--or the Patriots ;-)

Yet performance orientation can really interfere with intimacy. Just ask the Cleveland Cavaliers (that's a basketball team that just fired their coach even though they are in first place.) When it comes to God and each other, our very desire to do well, our performance orientation, can leave us distant when we could be close, self-absorbed when we could be loving, and isolated when we could be intimate.

Irrational grace and mercy are what I need far more than a good performance. I find them by hanging out with the right people (and the heavenly father), by humbly asking rather than demonstrating my lack of need, and by opening myself rather than defending myself.

I remember my first visit to Colorado as an emerging adult (I was around 19, and clearly did not consider myself a teenager.) I was probably within 10 miles of here on a church trip for teens and young men from Dallas, camping out on somebody's land up here in the Black Forest on a rainy, misty June morning. I wanted to perform so well I was miserable. I couldn't demonstrate my fire building prowess because I had never built a fire at even half this altitude. I couldn't enjoy the moment or encourage others. I was a miserable junior leader and not even a fun buddy. The rest of the trip did not get much better. I'm sure others went away from that trip shaking their heads in frustration with me. (I wasn't so out of touch I didn't notice that!) I often say now that I live life in search of another good conversation. I don't remember many on that trip and I am quite sure my performance orientation had a lot to do with that. It still does.

Ask that Laura and I could be daily released from a performance orientation, and givers and receivers of an exuberant amount of irrational grace. Perhaps then we'll be better ambassadors of the one who loved us first.

In him who keeps us, Steve and Laura

PS If you read this far looking for some news, we had a good Christmas, although our first without Sarah (and John). Colorado is warm today, but it's been cold and snowy. Looking ahead, we'll be travelling to Texas in late February, and I'll make a shorter trip to Chicago in the middle of that trip. Our funding through the Paraclete Mission Group ended the year a bit lower than it has in past years with TEAM, but we are grateful and consider what we have to be enough. Thank you! If you would like to partner financially, search for "Paraclete Mission Group" on the web and you'll find us right here!

Steve and Laura Spinella

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US: 1930 Springcrest Rd, CO Springs 80920

mail: 9685 Otero Ave, Colorado Springs, CO 80920

Steve cell 719.355.4809, Laura cell 832.755.4261
<spinella@alumni.rice.edu> <lauraspinella@alumni.rice.edu>

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