When we left for Taiwan in 1996, we weren't sure how long we would last—neither were the people inviting us to come. We made an initial commitment of only two years, but within a year, the board of the Center for Counseling and Growth wanted to know if we would stay longer. We came back to the US for a short time to make our decision away from the daily pressures of adjusting to a new place, new culture, and new roles while we made the decision. As you can guess, we decided to stay longer.
After 10 years, a leading member of the community involved in training new arrivals commented that he was surprised we were still there. He didn't think we would stay…but we did!
So when we did leave, after 15 years, it was a big transition for us and for others. We had hoped to stay more involved even longer.
Lots of things conspire to bring about unexpected endings—including COVID, government pressure, finances, family circumstances, and relationships between coworkers. (Can you guess which ones are most likely causes for departure? There have been some studies on international ministry worker retention and the results include some surprises.)
Some people involved in Christian ministry like to say that ministry workers should be working themselves out of a job. I would suggest it's more like any other work—if you do the job well, there will likely be more opportunities to keep working, even if your role changes substantially. When we were preparing to leave Taiwan, who was saddest to see us go? Probably it was the people we were working alongside!
But today when I think about unexpected endings, I am most aware of my sister's death January 1. She's younger than me, was diagnosed with cancer later than me, and was full of life and love…until she wasn't. It was an unexpected ending in this world of the most decisive kind. All those factors in transition listed above fade in comparison to this one. The 14 months between discovery of the brain cancer and departure from this world went by way too quickly for those left behind.
There is no lesson to learn that takes away the grief of this loss for those who love Linda. If you want to grieve with those who grieve, don't ask or suggest that some lesson makes it worthwhile.
As we start a New Year, many of us are hoping that good things will develop and continue while difficult things fade and disappear. Yet there also may be some unexpected endings, even of good things.
How do we prepare for unexpected endings? Not too well!
· Perhaps it will help if we fully embrace the present as a good gift.
· Perhaps it will help if we keep our expectations low.
· Perhaps it will help to hold our possessions, our roles, our relationships, and ourselves lightly, with an open hand.
We celebrated Christmas with our kids and grandkids. It was great fun, but sickness also met us there. So now we're not only hoping for great things in the days and months to come, but also health and resilience with which to enjoy them. While we were all still healthy, we visited a local cave. Caves can be scary for little ones, but they had flashlights, parents, and grandparents to get them safely through, making it both fun and memorable for us all. Perhaps that can be a metaphor for all of us in 2024—light and love to make it through whatever dark places are headed our way.
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